All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
