apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
