we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
