chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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