Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He passed out mid-signature
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
