I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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