I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Randomize
