You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
