He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
