Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
