Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
