absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
