I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
