Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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