i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
