the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
