running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
