I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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