he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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