So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
