I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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