I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
