i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
