As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
