Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
