Jerry, you need to find god
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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