So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
