My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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