I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
