My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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