he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
