She's like a pop up book from hell.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
