Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
