Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
