Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
this is an emotional support booty call
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
