i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
