You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
