just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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