maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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