recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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