I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
