I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
