Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
