Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
