dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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