If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
