So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
