My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
