I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
