He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Floor bacon is actually really good
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize