i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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