Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
