apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he shaved USA in his pubs
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Your penis caused this!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
