Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
