he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
