Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
