it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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