Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
