Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
