1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
