all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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