When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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