Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
