If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
