I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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