My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize