K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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