I am in a vortex of obligation.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
