here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I could fuck to npr.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
