You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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