The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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