id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
