what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
