I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
