I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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