Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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