and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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