That's intense
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
