i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
