shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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